you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize