he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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