nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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