And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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