elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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