So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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