Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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