just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
