i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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