Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
