We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
