idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
