why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize