we're blogging at a bar
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
