i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
