he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
