So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
