need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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