i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize