I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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