The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
