a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
