You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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