I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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