You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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