did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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