we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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