hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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