the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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