So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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