First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
