you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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