that's an acceptable place to lick
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
