You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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