Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
