The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
