i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
