i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize