why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
