So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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