I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
