rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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