Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
