just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
