I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
