yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
