Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
