I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
