I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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