just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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