I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
