I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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