Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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