woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
