Your tits are I can't wait for
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
