What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
