Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Sober January is a disaster.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
