His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
