Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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