P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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