My sheets look like a crime scene.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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