so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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