he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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