She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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