Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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