I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
