someone get that fucking seahorse.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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