i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am one with the molecules
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
