just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize