just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize