There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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