As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
