P.S. I can't hear my feet
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
