How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
