Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
