There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
