Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
