she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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