my mouth tastes like poor choices
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
