And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
