that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Randomize
