I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize