I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Your dad touched me again.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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