last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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