There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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