I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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