Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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