so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
