At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
