lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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