So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
